A Second Glimpse Within
by Beth6787
Summary: Set twenty four hours after the conclusion of the episode "Counterpoint". Kathryn can't sleep (yet again) and decides to unwind in the Mess Hall. It's 2am ship time so all is quiet in the dead of night so she won't be disturbed. Chakotay has exactly the same idea...


Beth 6787

10th December 2017

A Second Glimpse Within

Set twenty four hours after the conclusion of the episode "Counterpoint". Kathryn can't sleep (yet again) and decides to unwind in the Mess Hall. It's ship time around 2am so all is quiet in the dead of night so she won't be disturbed. Chakotay has exactly the same idea...

Kathryn approaches the Mess Hall as quietly as she can, almost on tip toe, to prevent her Starfleet issue boots from announcing her presence. Sometimes Neelix is still pottering about, re-arranging his pots and pans or checking his inventory of food stores but she is really hoping the place is deserted tonight. She is desperate to be alone to think, to process the events of the last few weeks and try to make sense of what she is feeling towards Kashyk and how the whole Devore situation played out. Perhaps she should have stayed in her quarters but she was developing cabin fever, the walls seemed to be closing in and suffocating her, not to mention she could still smell and sense Kashyk's presence there from the night they had had the inspired idea of locating the wormhole by way of musical counterpoint. No, the Mess Hall was far better, a larger, neutral, crew space - it would give her breathing space and hopefully clarity. She so needed both.

"Neelix, are you there?" she called quietly as she stepped up to the counter. Nothing, the room was barely lit and there was silence in the kitchen area. Kathryn let out a sigh of relief, she had not realised she had been holding her breath. Had Neelix been there she would have had to feign a bonhomie she did not feel and make small talk for an hour at least. She just did not have the mental reserves or stamina for that tonight. Kathryn headed round to the replicator and made an extra strong black coffee (three shots) before deleting the last item on the replicator log. Having evaded Neelix for the night she did not need a lecture from the Doctor about her caffeine addiction and subsequent sleep deprivation.

Kathryn walked across the Mess Hall to her favourite corner where she had panoramic views of the stars where the windows met at an angle of 140 degrees. It was also the furthest point from the door and least backlit part of the room. She imagined that she became almost ethereal and her silhouette blended into the starscape. She held the steaming mug of coffee in har hands and watched as a patch of the starscape became fuzzy as the steam condensed on the window pane. Kashyk. For all his military training and ingrained prejudice against telepaths and all they presented, she had felt that she had made a genuine connection with him. They had stood here, looking out at the stars, as he had told her of the time he rescued the little telepath girl for certain death. All her Starfleet training and the cool head of the Captain had told her to be sceptical at best. He was a trained manipulator and as quick witted as she but the part of her heart that was Kathryn had been tempted to give him the benefit of the doubt. She had had to make preparations in case Kashyk betrayed them. Betrayed her. BUT. The big but was that for all her Starfleet training, for all her scientific reasoning, her human heart had told her that Kashyk and she had connected. He felt something for her and would not betray her. Yet she had been wrong. oh so terribly wrong. Why?...

She sensed rather than saw his presence in the room. Chakotay was standing by the door. She did not think he had seen her or was aware of her presence and she kept perfectly still, hardly daring to breathe. As the steam cleared from the window she saw his face reflected in the dim light. Then in struck her. Kashyk & Chakotay. The same strong, handsome, dark features. In her subconscious she had superimposed Chakotay's characteristics onto Kashyk. Chakotay would never hurt her or betray her so her subconscious had attributed the same to Kashyk. Kathryn had given him the benefit of the doubt and if it wasn't for Captain Janeway's icy rationalism and strong maternal protective instincts for the crew, then Kathryn would have made the wrong call and gotten them all killed. She had to bury Kathryn and turn off her feelings for Chakotay. If she did not then next time they may not be so lucky.

Chakotay stood at the door. He had not been able to sleep and had decided a leg stretch and soothing herbal tea in the Mess Hall was just the tonic he needed to still the turmoil in his mind and the anger and jealousy in his heart. He was desperately hoping that the Mess Hall would be empty and Neelix would be in his quarters for once. His first thought was that his

luck was out and that Neelix was still about, then in the next instance he knew. It was Kathryn standing in the far corner looking out at the stars. Longing for Kashyk ! He had seen the frisson of sexual tension between them and watched Kathryn slowly distance herself from him and take Kashyk into her confidence. She was the Captain and he merely the First Officer so he could officially do nothing. He had spoken to Tuvok, worried that the Captain had lost her objectivity. Knowing in every fibre of his being, that Kashyk would betray her. Betray them all. Tuvok was unconcerned. He said that he had every faith in Captain Janeway to handle the situation and keep them all safe. As telepaths, Tuvok and Vorik were literally placing their lives in her hands. Chakotay, for the first time in their five year journey, was worried that Kathryn's gentle heart and optimistic soul would prevail. Under any other circumstances he would have welcomed Kathryn getting the better of the Captain just once. But not now. Not when Kathryn had been seduced and beguiled by evil, in the form of the Devore Commander Kashyk. He could not stand here indefinitely, rooted to the spot like an imbecile. Chakotay cleared his throat "Captain, am I disturbing you?"

"Not at all Commander, I was just about to retire to my quarters. I'll leave you in peace". Kathryn walked across the room and placed her coffee cup in the replicator to recycle then walked past Chakotay without looking at him. Just as she reached the door he called her name.

"Captain. Kathryn. Wait" Chakotay had no idea what he was going to say next, just a primal need to stop her walking away now. He felt a deep seated dread in his soul that she was not just walking out of the Mess Hall but out of his heart and Chakotay's life.

Kathryn hesitated. Just for a moment, then braced herself and carried on walking out into the corridor without looking back. She felt her heart shattering with every step she took and it took all her willpower to put one foot in front of the other. Somehow she made it back through the door of her quarters at which point she crumpled to the floor and wept.

Chakotay stood in the Mess Hall rooted to the spot. He had finally lost Kathryn. To that monster Kashyk of all people! He had known she had been hurt by him, humiliated even, her pride and judgement having taken a metaphorical bashing. But he had not thought Kashyk had broken her heart, not until now. He had not thought it possible for such a man to usurp his

place in Kathryn soul. Indeed, he had been foolish and arrogant enough to believe that no one could ever come between them. They were meant to be. He looked down at his cold herbal tea and around at the gloomy, empty vast space and the cold stars. Sitting here in the Mess Hall would not help him. He needed to get away from Voyager and consult his animal guide.

The decision made, Chakotay raced back to his quarters for his medicine bundle and akoonah then teleported onto the Delta Flyer. He opened the shuttle bay doors and programmed the Flyer to maintain a stationary orbit on the far side of a moon they had passed about four hours ago. Voyager was only travelling at impulse speed whilst engineering was overhauling the warp core so he could easily catch up with her before his duty shift started at 7am. As he engaged the warp engines there was a massive explosion and the Flyer filled with smoke. Chakotay was flung against the bulkhead and hit the floor hard. He reached for his medicine bundle and just felt it with the tips of his fingers before he lost consciousness and knew nothing more.

Kathryn was still sobbing on the floor when a chime came through on her Comm from the Bridge. she composed herself, wiped her face, took a deep breath and answered in what she hoped was a normal voice "Janeway here".

"Captain, there has been an unauthorised launch of the Delta Flyer. No flight plan laid and no answer to hails." said Ensign Gibson.

"Who is at the helm?" " Unknown Captain, shall I alert Commander Chakotay?"

Chakotay. Could it be him? Kathryn thought. " No Ensign, I will come to the Bridge myself. Track the Flyer's trajectory in the meantime. Janeway out." She rushed to her bathroom to wipe her face and tidy her hair. She looked tired and strained but it was 3am and the night shift would suppose they had just woken her up so nothing to raise suspicions. Just as she was about to leave her quarters another message come through her comm badge from Gibson "Captain, there has been an explosion on the Flyer, it is drifting without power. One life sign on board, but very weak. no answer to hails".

" Emergency beam out to sick bay and alert the Doctor. Place a tractor beam on the Flyer and return her to shuttle bay 1. Alert Lieutenant Torres. I will be in sick bay. Janeway out". She had to be sure. "Computer, what is the location of Commander Chakotay?" The computer replied that the Commander had just been beamed into sickbay. Kathryn broke into a run.

Captain Janeway burst through the door. "Doctor, how is he?" The Doctor looked at her. "Well Captain, he has suffered a fracture to his skull over the right temporal lobe, extensive cranial haemorrhage and several fractured vertebrae. I have repaired the fractures and drained the excess fluid from his brain and regenerated his cranial vasculature. He should regain consciousness within the next few minutes."

Half an hour passed and Chakotay remained motionless and unresponsive. The Doctor tried every stimulant in his repertoire. Still nothing. Kathryn began to get scared. "Doctor, why is he not responding? What's wrong?" The Doc looked at her "Captain, I am a Doctor, a marvel of 24th century engineering. But, even I, am not a miracle worker. There is no physical, scientific reason that he has not regained consciousness. There is nothing more, medically, I can do but keep his vital signs stable and wait. Let's hope for the best".

Kathryn was stunned. She was losing Chakotay right in front of her and she could do nothing. The last encounter they had had, she had walked away from him both literally and in her heart. She could not bear that his last memory of her was one of pain and loss. And how would she ever cope without him? She looked down at Chakotay on the bio bed and noticed his clenched right hand. She gently opened it, meaning to squeeze his hand for support, and in the faint hope of getting through to him then discovered that he was holding his medicine bundle. She gently took it and put it in her jacket pocket. Then squeezed Chakotay's hand. She bent down and whispered in his ear "Stay with me Chakotay. I need you. I'll be back soon".

"Doctor, keep me apprised of any developments. I'll be in my Ready Room". Kathryn raced to her Ready Room and locked the door. She took the singed medicine bundle out of her pocket and laid it on the coffee table, just as Chakotay had done the first time he showed it to her all those years ago. She placed the akoonah on the table next to it and her right hand on the akoonah and closed her eyes. She was back on the beach where she had met her lizard

spirit guide. She looked around for it but no sign. She stood up and made her way down the shore to the tide line. Nothing. Where are you? thought Kathryn, if ever I needed your guidance it is now. Then she noticed something floating on the waves further down the shore. A large wave surged and threw it's cargo onto the beach. The crumpled form of a man. Kathryn ran along the beach but she already knew in her heart who it was. Chakotay. She reached him and he was lying face down on the sand. She turned him over. He was blue and cold. She checked for a pulse. Nothing. Chakotay was dead. This could NOT be happening! Spirit quest or reality, it mattered not anymore. All she knew is that she had to revive him. Kathryn bent down and started CPR and gave him mouth to mouth resuscitation. Still nothing. A dam within her soul broke. All the hurt, love and unspoken longing of the last five years poured out. She held him lifeless body in her arms and told him everything.

Suddenly she felt a warmth against her chest. She looked through her tears at him and his skin had regained it's warm brown hue. He started to breath and his eyes opened ...

Kathryn was jolted out of her vision quest by a loud bleep of her Comm badge. "Captain Janeway, sick bay here. Commander Chakotay has just regained consciousness and is asking for you". Kathryn's heart soared. "I'll be right there Doctor. Tell Chakotay that I'm coming back to him. Janeway out"

THE END .

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